To Mom with Love

Just had my dinner - Kangkung Belacan, Ikan Masak Kicap and Sambal Tempoyak at home sweet home. It tasted good - we were all starving since the evening, thus, rather than going somewhre to order nasi bungkus, I reaved over the fridge and found a few pieces of ikan tongkol. I told Mom that i could cook the fish for our dinner. Mom said she hadnt eaten kangkung for quite a long time. So, i told her that if she craved for the dish, i would prepare them for her. So, i pillaged over the onion containers, got some kangkung she bought from the market and called out my sister Jihah to assist me but it was no use. She was still sleeping in front of the TV and i could hear my Mom bising2 for she was sleeping till maghrib. So, i continued doing my work at the kitchen sambil mop lantai. I noticed recently, Mom hasn't got the time or energy to clean our house and kitchen properly like before. As time passes by, she spends most of her time lying down on the carpet near the television and falls asleep. There are times when i pissed off with my youngest sister Jihah for not giving much help to her.

Right now, i know Mom needs her rest,i even offered her to hire a maid but she refused. She said, rugi upah orang buat kerja rumah. After for quite a time, i finished preparing the meals and we had our dinner together. Mom said she loves the Ikan i cooked and asked if I sprinkled some lemon in the sauce since it tasted diffrent with her ordinary dish. I said yes, coz i found lemon in the fridge and trying to utilize it like the Master Chef. LOL. The other possible reason could be because i didnt knw where Mom keeps her vinegar bottle, i knw lemon juice would replace vinegar or make it tastes better. After eating, i reached for my laptop and started blogging while the TV is on with the new reality tv show - Vokal Bukan Sekadar Rupa. Mom is still beside me and as usual, she falls asleep again. I kissed her on the cheek and if possible Mom.. i would prepare you Sup Ikan Kod like before.

Sup Ikan Kod

I love you, Mom. I love you until the rain stops and the sun falls from the sky.

Missing Pieces...

UIA 23rd Convocation 2007

Hey readers, i came across my degree graduation pic with UIA friends. Feel like sharing the photo with you.LOL.Frankly speaking, i dislike the bulky green robe i 'm wearing - I remember it was not my size and i had to squeeze in and pretended that i was happy with my outfit. Only God knows how uncomfortable it felt. But my hearful thank you goes to my dear friend Sal Ijou for lending her hand to book the robe and collected it for me. At that very moment, i was already working in UiTM Dungun! To all long-lost friends, where have you been?

Besides tracking old friends, i guess the only thing you won't be able to trace is when someone left you forever. Well, it's been more than a week that my little rabbit "Adik" gone to heaven. He passed away on Friday last week, 11.11.2011. The real reason is unknown but according to my sister, Jihah..he used to swallow too many plants while playing, that makes him fall sick. Guess i lost one beautiful pet.

Healthy "Adik" and "Baby"

Adik learns standing with both feet

As much as i love both rabbits, I know that everyone shall taste death. Baby is still healthy, but i need to find her a partner so she won't die in boredom.

Next, i have left a hobby which i long to do again - that is Horse Riding. I have never really got the time to visit the kandang again but yea, i can smell the place from here :p

Year 2011 - A Lavish Success

It is less than two months before we are heading to the New Year 2012. To utter the year itself brings me a goosebump; not because of the fact that we are getting older but the rumor propogated by the western that the world is going to its end next year. Well, no human can tell nor predict the exact date of doomsday, but of course Allah swt has set its big and small signs in the Quran which obviously draws back our attention to this issue - Hari Kiamat is coming soon! The day and time - no one knows.

My entry this time is more like a self-reflection of what i have achieved this year - 2011. Despite the ups and down - the struggles, the pain and tears i had gone through all this year, it is worth to smile in joy and shouted to the world.. "Yay, i made it!". Allah has given me a lot of trials to endure for all these while and I am very thankful that He has given me more love and strength everyday in which is shown in every good deed i did. I remember when I asked for courage, He gave me obstacles to overcome. When i asked for love, He sent me trouble people to help.

There are times when I cried at night deciding that life was unfair and I questioned God why was i chosen among His slaves to suffer the injustice.But God has never been wrong. I realize that i am stronger than before. I notice that i am more loving and passionate to what i do. I can see the light is shining at the end of the path i am taking. Subhanallah.. i started believing that Allah doesnt give you what you want, but He gives you what you NEED in life.If He doesnt grant your prayer, He is planning something better for you. He is protecting you from the evil of the world.Now, i am beginning to love my life than ever. I love my new salary - it is a LOT for a single woman like me. Alhamdulillah. I even got extra income for partime teaching, talk and other services. Alhamdulillah again. What else could i ask for more? Allah has eased my career path. Although there's a little problem i am facing regarding work matter, i begin to redha and I know God is promising something better for me. Alhamdulillah that in March 2011, I attended my graduation day in USM - Apex University in which i obtained Master of Arts (English Language and Linguistics Studies).

In April 24-26, I attended an International Language Conference in UIA Gombak with the title of my presentation Exploring Motivation and Attitude in Learning English Among First Semester Tourism Students in UiTM Penang. I was quite nervous as it was my first time presenting in a conference but the the audience was very kind and supportive. They gave me a big applause despite a little inaccuracy in my explanations. I was grateful to learn from this first experience! :

With my UIA friend i met during the conference

With my ex-UIA friends / conference participants

On the 14-16 June, i attended another International Conference organized by USM in Parkroyal Hotel Penang and the title is Children's Mature Morality in Roald Dahl's Selected Novels. To me, the presentation is a success. The conference room is crowded with international and local people (i cant believe that many are fans of Roald Dahl). If Roald Dahl is still alive, he must be proud of me. LOL.

My presentation slideshow

The opening ceremony

On the 7th-11th July, i visited Singapore and covered the Marina Bay, Pulau Sentosa,Universal Studio and Ambiah Lookout as part of my travelling places. Here are the photos:

Universal Studio, Hollywood

At Kingdom of Far, Far Away

With Wood Tucker

On the 23-30th July, i was in Seoul, Korea for another International Conference. The best part was, i made new friends with people from all around the world. My presentation this time around is about children's literature - An Analysis of Children's Immature Morality in Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. As my presentation was on the 3rd day in the morning (8.30am), the crowd is less but i was glad the audience comes from those who teach in kindergarten and those who love children.

With other Malaysian presenters

During presentation

Having Korean lunch with the Asian TEFL family

My very own Korean meal

With other presenters and participants

With Japanese friends

On the 10th Sept, my collegaue and i took part in IID Competition organized by Research Management Unit, UiTM Penang. Although we did not win any medal, i learned a lot from the experience!

Me and my collegue Mr Mah

Now, it's already November. It's not a sweet November like we watch in Keanu Reeves movie. Things around you seem to happen unexpectedly. My ex-boyfriend is getting married tomorrow, i wonder how his preparation is. Deep inside my heart, i pray that he will be doing ok with his future wife. Now, i really really understand marriage is not the only key to happiness. Allah has protected me from falling for the wrong man. Now, i can see slowly the hikmah that He had set for me. I am blessed with a stable job, loving family, understanding friends and I have given the opportunity to travel to other places. You are right, Old Dwalf - I was chosen among the many ppl to see the beauty of nature and culture on the other side of the world. What else could i ask for more? Being single for now has no harm - Isnt what Allah has given knocks my heart to bermunajat and pray to Him more? And the time and space given to me while being single encouraged me to give charity and spend time with my parents more. I believe destiny would bring me to a man who deserves love and spiritual peace.

Alhamdulillah.
The curtain of 2011 will be closed with a lot of sweet and bitter memories.
Smiling, i can feel the storm has calmed down slowly with a more soothing cooling wind.

Welcome, new students.

I was in Kuala Lumpur for 6 days attending an academic mission. The days seem to fly away so fast and i cant believe the new semester is beginning to start next monday on the 21st Nov. For the past few semesters, life was hectic and stepping your feet at the classroom during the first week is a big no-no-mood due to the holiday fever.But its kinda different now, i cant wait for monday! I cant wait to see the faces of the students! Haha. I cant wait to teach..
Probably because life is tough lately -
the only way to forget it is by teaching and seeing my students.
And of course new semester means new students.
I dont knw how they will look like.
But i knw they'll face hard and hilarious time with me.
Welcome..new students.
Let's have fun with English puzzles, games and acting studio!
:p

Twinkle twinkle little star

I wish i could tell the readers how significant 16th November is.
But i cant -
So, i want the world to knw that you are special 2me..
You are my breath..
my everything.
Happy anniversary.

Here come the Trials..

I wish love is like Baby Shampoo- No more tears.

But in fact, i have cried too many times until my eyes hurt. The feeling - i tell you... is terrible. I'v never been up to these kind of trials.
God knows that to fix what is broken is difficult.
And to squeeze away from society's expectation is a different story. For all these while, I've heard many of my collegues are stepping into a new phase of life. Some quit their jobs. Some are leaving for a new home. Getting married. Pregnant a second baby. Got a promotion for a new job. Pursuing PHD. Divorced. Happily come back from study abroad. And the list goes on!
What about me?
What have i gained for these 4years after graduation? *wondering.

Once upon a time..there was a Lover.

Have you ever heard people say, "If you love someone, let him go. If he is yours, he will come back. If not, his love is nevers yours to be with!" - And it's even hard to grasp when the person you love ends with someone else who seems to be the third party in your relationship. You would start asking yourself, "What cud hav gone wrong?", "Am i not doing good enough?" or "Is the girl better than me?" or the harsh way would be, "You are an ass hole,glad that you met a similar partner."

I remember the moment when i first time felt the world was rocking to its end as if all the images of a perfect relationship and a happy family collapsed and burned into thin air. I still remember when my friend in college told me that you were seeing another girl but I put my trust in you that we are in a long-distance relationship and it is okay for you to hang out with friends or girlfriends. I remember in college when one or two guys approached me for a date, but i smiled nicely and told them that i am in a relationship with my boyfriend - that he will feel jealous if he knew. Indeed, i know you were the jealous type, and i understand that i would hav to take care of your feelings, that i really appreciate you in my life and i want our relationship to last long.

I remember it very much when i accepted your apology when i was mad at you for finding out that you've been dating a girl behind my back for the reason that it was a small misunderstanding that SHE is ACTUALLY your BESTFRIEND and she helps you a lot especially in study. As far as i am concernd, she was also the one who were looking after you at the hospital when you were injured while playing soccer. I was sorry that i couldnt be there near you all the time - but i never stopped making phonecalls everyday just to know that you were okay.

I remember when i ended up writing poems, wrapping chocolates and heart-shaped sweets and designing small beautiful cards for your birthday or special events to express my feelings for you. I never knew that you'd understand or appreciate the real meaning behind the words of Shakespeare or Emily Bronte, but i knw that you love them since you say they were cute and you kept all the gifts in one box. Now, I wish i could take back all the gifts, tie them up and throw them all into the dark ocean. If you know how to break ppl's heart, you might as well do it to my belongings.

I now never felt regret to leave you from my world. It was me who asked for a breakup. After wasting 5years with a guy like you, i know that i have to move on to a new life. I am now happy with lovely sweethearts and friends - leaving you all the sweet and bitter memories of yours. Sadly, i dont know why you are spreading the news to others that we broke up because i was dating someone else. It hurts my feeling since i know that i have always been honest to you and never go out with any guy behind your back. We were so young back, then. We were 18 when we started knowing each other. Maybe we were so immature to handle a wise decision or maybe we hav put so much endless effort that it hurt us even more.

Well, i told myself that it is okay. Maybe you need time to be apart from me. It was not that you never can live without me since the girl is by yourside always. My question to you is, "If you really2 love me, why were you never be true to me in our relationship?Why did it hurt you so much when i asked for a breakup? And worst of all, why do u make up bad stories about me to ur friends when i myself left you to make you happy with your so-called bestfriend?"

Now, you sent me a wedding invitation card.
What do you expect me to do?
Praying for your happiness?
Or eating nasi minyak beside you on the same bride and groom's table?
Ohhh..i've been praying for your happiness for so..many times until i forgot to pray for my own.
And I am not mad at your wife-to-be. Maybe in our love triangle, i was just a minor character...coz she takes the leading role and it was her destiny to marry the prince charming. And well, you are no more a prince charming to me. You are just a small dot that causes my A4 white-paper-LIFE a mess.

Thank you for the lessons i got for free.
May you gain your happiness with the new phase.